1eclecticwriter

As I strive to be patient with what is beginning to feel like an intolerably delayed process, I repeat to myself that things can’t happen on any different time schedule, just because I want them to. I remind myself that stressing about delays moves nothing forward, only wears my patience down further. I think that I would be handling the situation better if only there were meaningful communication. Are the workers coming today, or did their cancellation due to weather yesterday (never communicated to me until after dark last night) set everything back an unknown length of time?

As I try to stay in the present, and enjoy the quiet that I know will be lacking in days ahead, my squirrely mind jumps to the self imposed approaching deadline – that I want to be able to enjoy entertaining guests for a joint birthday for my stepson (his first in the US) and me in just a few weeks, in late October. No way can I do that with the inside of the house in its present dismantled state, everything off the walls and away from shelf edges, to prevent crashing disasters as the outside walls are pounded, in the process of putting up new siding.

I do not lack for alternatives. Several friends have offered us retreats to their homes during the noisy reconstruction, and I’m certain I could even plan a party in one of those spaces. As deeply appreciative as I am of these offers, my mind keeps me hung up on it “not being the same” as entertaining at home.

Why does this aspect of identity (a demanding mind) that I know is not “the real me” keep interfering with acceptance of what is? Can’t it be content with its prowess at Wordl and crossword puzzles, and let go of the false and illusory pretense of control? How many times must it subject itself (and me) to the hard lesson that no amount of planning and preparation can ever envision all possible outcomes? No matter how many past experiences I reflect on, where in retrospect I see that things worked out exactly as best benefited me despite not being what mind intended, still today sitting here waiting for the possible arrival of a crew (or not), that mind resists relaxing and letting me just be.

It helps, verbalizing the dilemma, so that I have a focus for the spiritual exercise I will engage in as I walk out to feed chickens and go down the hill to empty the mailbox, grateful that the sun is out and that there is green showing on the tops of many of the still-standing burnt trees both on my own property and its surrounding areas.

Mind, please be at peace.

Tags: communication, lessons, MasterPath, self-acceptance

This entry was posted on October 3, 2023 at 10:19 am and is filed under life wisdom, Living and Learning. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.