Posts Tagged ‘counseling’

No Drama Please

December 28, 2017

Of the many adjustments required as we age, one I did not anticipate has emerged as a result of coworkers taking time off for the seasonal holidays. In particular, a behavioral health care coordinator (BHCC) with whom I work closely has been on vacation since before Christmas, and won’t return until after New Year’s Day. Meanwhile, one of the clients we coordinate to assist has been in crisis, suicidal and starting to misuse drugs. I have done what I can to support his immediate family members who are the ones actively intervening to divert his self harm. He seems to be headed for inpatient assistance, and I did find another contact person for his family to call if they need further help while I in my turn take the next few days off.

In years past I have had a counseling license, and supported myself at times with a private clientele about evenly divided between couples unable to communicate about their incompatibilities, and men with anger issues. From the feedback I received, I was an effective practitioner, and I found the work rewarding. I learned much that has been useful to me in my subsequent years working in home health, and now as a care coordinator for a managed care organization. I even thought about applying to work for the behavioral health component of the organization. Something held me back – and now I think I know what that something is.

Age.

Not that I’m too old to do the job, which is no more demanding than my own. In fact the  BHCCs have smaller caseloads, more paid vacation, and the same working hours as I do, so the capacity of my older body to see the work week through might well be less stressed by a BH caseload. That’s not the issue.

While I don’t agree that getting older means getting more conservative, I do see in myself a subtle shift in values that can perhaps best be described as less engaged with the drama of others’ lives. For those who seek help, I am ready to provide supports, encouragement, instruction, empowerment and accompaniment if that is needed. I don’t expect immediate success nor do I limit the number of repeats necessary or the amount of time allowed to achieve progress, however minimal, toward the client’s stated goals. What I used to also offer was intervention when misunderstandings escalated into high drama, persistent redirection when drug use became a burden, and a generally more receptive involvement with the ups and downs of my clients.

No more.

In one of several descriptions of the stages of life, the later years are said to be dominated by contemplation. Whether reviewing one’s own life, or reflecting on the state of society, older people are perceived to be thinkers more than doers. Pragmatically, we’ve learned the often negative consequences of impulsive, reactive behavior. We see benefit in giving reasoned responses and we know that few important decisions need to be made “right here, right now.” Which is not to say that we procrastinate (though some of us may do so), nor that we resist acting promptly, in a timely manner, to take advantage of unexpected opportunities. But we do so with forethought, and at least in my case, with a degree of detachment from the decision.

Perhaps what I’m trying to express is simply that few things that arise strike me as dire and in need of immediate action. Few things, equally, are apt to cause my world to collapse around me, if my decision turns out to be faulty. As a consequence, I apparently also prefer not to be unduly engaged , at this point in my life, with people for whom every decision is fraught with high drama. I care about, but do not fear, outcomes. I am confident that if things don’t work out as I hoped, I will not only survive but appreciate the different direction my life goes as a result of the unexpected outcome.

This preference definitely carries over into my work; I don’t wish to engage much with people in the midst of high drama, panicking over decisions that may seem, but seldom are, life threatening. Ergo, I would not do well with a caseload of clients with such mental instability that they need care coordination to get through the basics of their daily lives. My own clients need care coordination as well, but primarily to help them access supports for their physical shortcomings. I am occasionally called on for counseling on how to accept new physical limitations, plan for end of life, or adapt to new and frightening diagnoses. That is a type of mental/emotional support I still feel easily able to provide.

Without this past week’s experience, I might not have recognized my shift in perspective. I do know that I don’t want emotional tension in my life now. I used to live with a degree of dramatic stress which I would now find totally exhausting. Loss of energy with age? Loss of patience with false intensity of feeling? Or gain in understanding and perspective, with an accompanying gain in ability to express and manifest my preferences?

Whatever the underlying reason for my shift in preferences, I’m glad to recognize them and know that I have the capacity to implement them in both my personal and my work life.

Now, I wonder what previously unconscious inclinations, habits, tendencies and preferences will be revealed to me in the new year? I look forward to finding out.

big-billed-bird.jpg

Standing Proudly


Health News

tips , tricks , reviews , advice's

Life with an Illness

Sharing my chronic illness journey, while helping others. I spread awareness, love, and positivity along the way!♡

MICHAEL GRAY

Original work with a spiritual connection.

Megha Bose

A peek into Megha's mind

Neurodivergent Rebel

Rebelling against a culture that values assimilation over individuality.

The Beauty Along the Road

Discovering Beauty in the small details of our lives

Flowerwatch Journal

Notes on Traveling with Flowers

1eclecticwriter

Wide-Ranging Commentary

Spirituality Exploration Today

Delving into the cross roads of rationality and intuition

O' Canada

Reflections on Canadian Culture From Below the Border

smilecalm

Life through Mindful Media

San'in Monogatari

Legends, folktales, and anecdotes from Japan's San'in region

Matt Travels

your weekly nature and travel blog

Ray Ferrer - Emotion on Canvas

** OFFICIAL Site of Artist Ray Ferrer **

aka The Versatile

Food | Fashion | Lifestyle | Beauty | Finance | Fitness | Education | Product Reviews | Movies | Doodling | Poetess

Aging Abundantly | Women Over Fifty | Empty Nesters | Caregivers | Aging Gracefully

Finding Joy at Every Age with writer/philosopher Dorothy Sander